People-Pleasing, Calvanism, and Praying More | Q&A
Audio Transcript
Welcome back to Going Deeper! I hope you're having a great day today.
Let’s start with a little book recommendation. This one is super random, but it comes with such a sweet “Godwink” story. It's really just for the parents listening—especially those with toddlers or young kids.
About a year ago, I was visiting a mentor of mine—she’s actually a friend’s mom—and she gave me this really old, vintage bedtime Bible storybook. It was super worn, but I instantly loved it. It’s by Jessie L.—I’ll make sure the full name is in the show notes. Each day of the year has a little story, maybe two paragraphs long, based on a portion of Scripture. My son has been getting really into reading aloud with me, and this book has been the perfect in-between. It’s more in-depth than a picture book Bible, but not quite as advanced as reading straight from the Bible. He loves it.
Eventually, the book started getting really worn out—and then my daughter got ahold of it, and the front cover got completely ripped. I was so sad because we used it all the time.
Well, fast forward to today. My neighbor texted me to say she had pulled some things out of her basement and wanted to know if we wanted any of it. So the kids and I walked over, and she had a whole stack of things—like a Winnie the Pooh blanket and some other adorable items. And then I saw it: the exact same bedtime Bible storybook. Same author, same vintage edition—only this one was in way better condition. I almost cried.
It was such a small moment, but I felt so seen by God. He cares about the little things. I know it might seem like just a book, but it felt like such a personal reminder of His love and kindness.
I found the book on Amazon—it’s not the exact 1989 edition we have, but it’s a more updated version and only $3. If you’re a parent of littles, I highly recommend it.
Let’s Dive into the Questions
I wanted this Q&A episode to feel very fluid and conversational. I took some notes, but I haven’t scripted out every answer—so let’s just talk.
Q: How are you feeling about becoming a third-time mom?
Yes! For those who don’t know, I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant. I cannot believe it. I would love to say it’s gone by quickly... but it hasn’t. Maybe it’s the summer heat—96 degrees today and I am not here for it. I’m definitely counting down the days to fall. Already planning my next Harry Potter movie marathon. (Anyone else?)
So I have about six weeks left, Lord willing. But let’s be honest—my daughter stayed in the womb for ten extra days, so who knows? Maybe seven weeks.
Honestly, I’m feeling really excited. I was just on the phone with my father-in-law last night, trying to parent the kids while we talked, and he said what all in-laws say: “And you wanted three?”
But I told him—yes, I did! In fact, I’d take three toddlers over two little ones while being pregnant in the dead of summer. There’s just something about parenting young kids while also being in your third trimester that is... next level.
I’m eager and expectant. I know a lot of change and transition is coming, but I really do love the newborn stage. I’m not nervous—just excited. Ask me again in six weeks though. I’ll keep you posted.
Q: Have you ever struggled with anger?
Oh, yes. Honestly, I felt a little called out by this question. Do you know me?
Anger has definitely been something I’ve had to face head-on in this season of life. I always describe myself this way: I’m 95% calm and even-keeled—until I’m triggered. And then, yes, I have a temper. I would’ve never said that about myself before kids. Truly. Through college, through my early 20s—I don’t remember losing my temper at all, except maybe as a kid with my brother.
But motherhood has surfaced things in me I didn’t even know were there. Anger being one of them.
I didn’t struggle much with anger until I became a mom. And more specifically, until I had a toddler boy. If you’ve ever raised a three-year-old, you know what I mean. There’s something about that age—they know how to push every button. They tempt you. They bring out the worst in you. And I have been humbled more times than I can count. My sin has been revealed more often than I’d like to admit through the simple act of parenting a toddler.
When I reflect on the past couple of years, the times I’ve felt truly angry—like, seeing red angry—have all involved parenting moments. Not conflict with my husband, not big life stressors. Just me, in the middle of a meltdown with a tiny human, trying to keep it together. I’m not talking about abusive rage, but those moments where you’re so overwhelmed that you realize, I need to take a timeout. Because my three-year-old is screaming at me, and now I’m screaming back, and suddenly I’ve become the example I never wanted to be.
Paul David Tripp talks about this in one of his parenting books—how so often, when we discipline our kids for disobedience or anger or impatience, we’re doing it from a place of anger or impatience. So they’re sinning, and then we’re sinning, and suddenly we’re in this cycle where I’m trying to teach my child how to manage his emotions while I’m still figuring out how to manage mine.
This is something I feel genuinely convicted about. Your question reminded me—this is still an area of struggle for me. I believe it’s a sin I can overcome, not by willpower but by grace. So here are a few things I’m learning:
1. Scripture Memory
Memorizing scripture is key. I haven’t done a great job with this consistently, but in certain seasons—especially during tough moments with our oldest—I’ve written verses about anger and gentleness on our kitchen whiteboard. Proverbs has some really powerful ones. But I want to go further than that. I want to actually memorize them, to have them stored in my heart so I can recall them in the moment, like a weapon against the flesh.
Verses like “A gentle answer turns away wrath,” or “A harsh word stirs up anger.” (I’ll include the full references in the show notes.) My goal is to speak these out loud to myself when I feel my temper rising—so I can pause, recalibrate, and parent with gentleness rather than rage.
2. Grace—Preached to Yourself
If I could shout anything from the rooftops when it comes to anger, especially for moms, it’s this: Do not sit in shame. The enemy wants you to believe you’ll never change. He wants you to label yourself: “I’m just an angry person. I have a bad temper. I’ll never overcome this.” But those are identity statements, and they’re lies.
Scripture tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2). That means choosing to speak truth to ourselves, even in our low moments. So instead of saying, “This is just who I am,” we can say, “This is something I struggle with—but I’m growing. God’s grace is enough for me today, and I want to keep walking forward.”
Let yourself receive grace, especially on the days when you blow it. That’s not letting yourself off the hook—that’s letting the Holy Spirit keep working on your heart.
Q: How Can I Pray More?
I love this question because prayer doesn’t have to be complicated, but it can feel overwhelming.
One verse that used to intimidate me is, “Pray without ceasing.” It felt impossible. I’d read it and think, “Okay, cool. Maybe I’ll get there when I’m more spiritually mature.” But what I’ve learned is this: that verse is more of an invitation than a burden. It's not telling you to be on your knees all day—it’s an invitation to do life with God.
I think of it like this: as you go about your day—doing dishes, folding laundry, driving to school—return to a posture of prayer. Invite God into the ordinary. Talk to Him in real time. There are days when I do this better than others. But the goal isn’t perfection—it’s presence.
There’s a beautiful book called With by Skye Jethani. It completely shifted my perspective. He explains that life with God means you’re doing your day as usual, but on another level, you’re staying mindful of His presence. You're aware that the Holy Spirit is with you, and you can reach out to Him at any moment.
So one way to pray more? Start there. Don’t overcomplicate it. Pray as you go.
Another practical tip: find prayer pockets. I didn’t make up that term—I heard it somewhere—but it stuck with me. These are small, intentional moments throughout your day where you pause to connect with God. It could be five minutes in the morning, or a few breaths before you pick up the kids. Build those pockets into your day, and watch your prayer life grow.
Making Time for Prayer in Everyday Moments
When you're in the shower, instead of listening to music, use that time to pray. When you're on the toilet—pray. When you're driving in the car alone—pray. Look for these pockets of time where you're already undistracted, where your hands are busy but your mind is free. Instead of scrolling on your phone or stressing or overthinking, use that space to talk to God.
A lot of this comes down to simply making room. You're already going to take a shower. You're already going to drive. You're already going to the bathroom—why not use those moments with intentionality? Ask yourself, Am I going to spend this time stressing about tomorrow? Or can I spend it lifting up someone I know who needs prayer today? I’m not perfect at this, but it’s something I try to practice.
Keeping a Prayer Journal
Another thing I'd recommend is keeping a prayer journal. This can feel overwhelming at first because we often think it needs to be some big, fancy thing—with stickers, highlighters, and colored pencils. It doesn’t.
A prayer journal is especially great for those who get distracted while praying. If you're someone who sits down to pray and suddenly your mind starts wandering—to baseball games, the election, your to-do list—writing your prayers down can really help keep your focus.
What I love most is being able to look back and see how the Lord has moved. You can track your prayers, see patterns, and build faith by remembering His faithfulness. It doesn’t have to be polished. Just grab a notebook, write the date, and start with “Hey God…”—like a diary. That’s a great place to begin.
Praying in Community
Praying with others is powerful. Yes, we pray at church, and we pray in small groups—but get in the habit of praying out loud with people in everyday life.
If someone texts you, “Hey, I just lost my grandmother. Can you pray for me?”—instead of just saying yes, send them a voice memo of your prayer. Or better yet, call them and pray over them right then and there. This kind of practice builds spiritual muscle memory and helps us step into boldness and love.
Of course, I’ve got another book for you—I just love to read! I highly recommend Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools by Tyler Staton. It’s a fantastic book on prayer. I’ll link it in the show notes along with a few other books that have helped me in this area.
Q: How to Notice God Throughout Your Day
Someone asked me, What are some ways you notice God throughout the day? I loved this question. Honestly, I think it comes down to having eyes to see and ears to hear.
So often we’re rushing through life or stuck in the weeds of what’s right in front of us. We forget to lift our eyes to eternity. I’ll be real—this actually comes naturally to me. Not because I’m detail-oriented (I’m not). I’m a big-picture thinker. I could drive somewhere and not remember how I got there. But I love the overarching narrative of the Bible—creation, fall, redemption, restoration. I love thinking about eternity. The fact that one day we’ll live in the glory of the Lord forever—that gives me so much perspective.
So when I look at a sunset, I see God. When I look at my kids, I see God. I find gratitude in ordinary moments because I’ve trained myself to look up. That doesn’t mean I’m always in a good season. I’ve walked through depression, anxiety, and grief. And I know it’s much harder to feel hope or notice God’s nearness when you’re in a valley.
But even in those seasons, if you can practice gratitude and shift your gaze—even a little—it can change everything.
Yesterday on the way to Bible study, I was listening to our Christian radio station and heard a quote that really stuck with me. The speaker said, “Joy is an informed decision.”
I thought that was so powerful. We often think of joy as just a feeling—or as a fruit of the Spirit that magically appears. But joy is also a choice. It’s choosing to focus on the hope we have in Christ, no matter the circumstances. Joy and grief can coexist. Joy and hardship can coexist. The Holy Spirit gives us joy, yes—but we have to choose to walk in it.
Q: How to Resist People-Pleasing
Now, full honesty—I had to Google this. That might sound silly, but people-pleasing isn’t really something I’ve struggled with. So I wanted to make sure I understood it before trying to give advice.
I found an article listing eight signs of people-pleasing:
You can't say no.
You feel anxious about others’ opinions.
You never have time for yourself.
You feel guilty setting boundaries.
You apologize unnecessarily.
You need constant approval.
You don’t share your true feelings.
You have low self-esteem.
I don’t really identify with any of those. I’m more on the independent side—almost to a fault. And that made me think: the opposite of people-pleasing might be self-centeredness. And neither extreme is healthy.
Jesus, for example, was incredibly others-focused—but not to win their approval. He loved people and sought to please the Father. That was His motivation.
So for me, because I lean toward self-focus, I have to intentionally choose to consider others. I have to check my heart and ask: Am I pleasing myself or the Lord? A lot of times, what pleases the Lord doesn’t line up with what Justine wants.
If you’re someone who struggles with people-pleasing, I’d encourage you to become really aware of when it happens. Name it. Notice it. And then ask: Am I doing this to be loved by others, or because I love God and people? That awareness is the first step to freedom.
Actually pausing in the moment and asking yourself, "Okay, is this coming from the wrong place? Am I doing this out of a genuine love for that person, or am I doing it because I need affirmation, because I don’t have a secure identity, or something else?"—that’s such an important practice.
When we come back to those two questions—Am I doing this out of love for others? Am I doing this to please the Lord?—we’ll find ourselves in a good place. Because ultimately, that’s what we see in the life of Christ. Okay, we only have time for a few more questions.
Q: How Do I Choose a Church Denomination?
I imagine this is coming from someone who's trying to decide where to land when it comes to church, and that’s such a great question. I’ve grown up Baptist, been part of non-denominational churches, attended Nazarene and Presbyterian churches—I’ve seen a bit of everything. And the truth is, each one has its pros and cons.
First, I’d recommend doing your research. Some denominations have stark theological differences, while others are more about preference and practice.
For example, when my husband and I were new to an area, we had friends who attended a Church of Christ. I had never been to that denomination before, so I looked up their beliefs online. Their statement of faith aligned with Scripture and what I believed. But then I found out they didn’t use musical instruments during worship—they only sang. The reasoning behind that was to mimic the early church in Acts, which didn’t use instruments.
Personally, I thought, I’m okay with instruments. We see in the Psalms, “Praise Him with harp and lyre,” so that’s not something I feel convicted about. For me, that was a preference issue, but it helped me realize that’s not where I wanted to be.
So under the Protestant umbrella, there are many denominations. The most important thing is to check if their beliefs align with Scripture—especially on the primary matters. From there, look at preferences: worship style, attire, views on baptism, roles of men and women in leadership, and so on.
For example, many Presbyterian churches have female pastors. So you’ll want to ask yourself, Where do I stand on that? These are what we call “secondary issues.” And again, it’s your job to discern those based on Scripture and conviction.
I've personally enjoyed Baptist and Southern Baptist churches, but the church we currently attend is non-denominational—and we love it. It’s solid on the essentials. But not every non-denominational church is the same, so again, do your homework. Look into the specific church, not just the label. Attend, ask questions, get a feel for the community.
Lastly, I think we can be too quick to judge based on denomination. There’s that meme that says, “You’re going to be surprised by who’s in heaven.” And I think that’s so true. We’re often disunified over things that shouldn’t divide us. And that’s not the heart of Christ.
Two more questions.
Q: How do I overcome doubt?
I love this question, because it tells me you're seeking and wanting to grow. I’ve definitely been there. I wouldn’t call it deconstruction, but I’ve had seasons of grieving where I was questioning—not because I didn’t believe, but because I didn’t understand.
There’s a difference between doubting because you’re unsure if something is true, and doubting because you don’t yet understand it. And that’s an important distinction.
I’ve had long seasons where I felt like I didn’t know my Bible well, and because of that, I had so many unanswered questions. I dove deep—YouTube videos, GotQuestions.org, books, wise counsel, conversations with spiritually mature friends. I wanted clarity. And it was so helpful.
But I’ve also had shorter seasons of intense doubt. One time, it hit me in the first trimester of pregnancy. I found myself overwhelmed, questioning, Do I really believe this? I know this in my head, but do I believe it in my heart? Looking back, I realize a lot of that was hormonal and connected to my mental health. I wasn’t thinking clearly. And I think that’s something many people overlook—how much our mental and emotional health can affect our spiritual clarity.
But here’s what I did: I pressed in. I didn’t retreat. I prayed harder. I asked the hard questions. And I pleaded with God to increase my faith and to show Himself. And you know what? He did.
God is 1000% real. He is alive and active—not just in the world, but in your life. We see throughout the Psalms, David crying out, “Where are you, God?”—not necessarily doubting, but longing for His presence. So use those Psalms. Let them be your prayers. Lean in, press in, and don’t give up. The Lord will meet you there.
Final question: Are you a Calvinist?
This is one I’ve answered before, and it’s a bit of a hot topic. I think a lot of Christian influencers avoid this one because it can be so divisive. You tend to have people who are all in—or all out. And then a third group of people who don’t even want to touch it. I’d say I’m in that third group—not because I’m afraid, but because I don’t think it should be such a big deal.
I believe nothing should be taboo among Christians. We should be able to talk about anything—politics, theology, doctrine—with peace, logic, and grace. I’m an over-communicator, so I love unpacking things. If you’re the same, we’d get along great!
Here’s the high-level overview:
Calvinism (based on John Calvin’s teachings) emphasizes God’s sovereignty, total depravity, and the belief that God unconditionally chooses who will be saved.
Arminianism emphasizes free will—yes, God is sovereign, but we also choose Him.
I personally land on what’s called compatibilism—the belief that both are true. God is completely sovereign, and we also have free will. These truths don’t contradict; they coexist, even if we can’t fully understand how.
Deuteronomy 29:29 says, “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and our children forever.”
The same way we believe Jesus was fully God and fully man at the same time—a mystery we don’t argue with—I think salvation works the same way. God chooses us. We choose Him. Both are mysteriously true.
I think a lot of people pick a side just because they don’t like not knowing. But the Bible supports both sides. The Trinity is another mystery we accept without fully understanding. So I rest in that tension. I don’t feel the need to stake a claim in one camp.
That’s all for today’s episode. I know there were more questions I could have answered, but those are all we had time for.
If this encouraged you, please share it with a friend, leave a review, and don’t forget to download the Go Deeper guide. I’ll catch up with you in next week’s episode!
Bible verses about anger:
Proverbs 14:29 - Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
Psalm 37:8 - Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
James 1:20 - For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
Ephesians 4:26 - Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
James 1:19 - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
Proverbs 29:11 - A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
Resources for those who are doubting:
https://www.gotquestions.org/
https://crossexamined.org/
John Lennox: The Reason We Exist and Scientific Proof God Exists - https://youtu.be/DXbcbyqOK60?si=W9csdncq0QzLHixJ
The Reason for God by Tim Keller - https://www.amazon.com/Reason-God-Belief-Age-Skepticism/dp/1594483493
